So I think all these existential musings I’ve been having are a bad sign that I’m too stuck in my head. They are all about ego, what I should be doing with my life, accomplishments, relationships etc etc. None of them are very good for my efforts to live in the present and focusing on staying sober, one day at a time.
I’m about 6 weeks from my last slip (and that was roughly 2 months from my initial dry date) so I think I get vulnerable around this time. Ego starts to take over and I resist focusing on the program and just doing the next right thing. So I don’t want to do that this time. I talked to my sponsor this morning and he said it would be a good time to recommit to my program; prioritize my day around it. It’s not that I can’t do other things but just don’t divert a lot of mental energy to them. I should see them more as part of a spiritual program e.g. art therapy, or journaling. Stay humble and be honest with myself. I think this is a good thing because I have been feel funny and distracted lately. Anxious around people, afraid of my shadow. I remember feeling that way: it was back when I drank; it was why I drank to a large degree.
So I’m just going to enjoy today without a lot of stress. Might run an errand, or go for a run. Whatever comes. Tonight will hit a meeting and do a share. Not much more I need to do just now.
My Blog on Starting Over at 40 