New Attitude and “Horror” Movies

I’m back, still alive after a busy, crazy week. Things seems to falling into place bit by bit. During my adventures I met this cool girl, with a bit of a sad past and I sensed we were kindred – drinkers that should not be drinking.  We liked to hang out and watch sad videos on youtube over many beers.  After our last such evening, which involved things in addition to beer, I texted her the next day to say I enjoyed hanging out but that I had to get back to AA, take things seriously so I was going to meeting.  She agreed that we were not “normal” drinkers and that she’d like to come to a meeting.  So I offered to take her when she is ready.  I’ve been going and I know I can’t put pressure on her but it just felt good, the idea that I, one of sobriety’s biggest f-ups, could actually maybe help someone through trying to help myself.  I hope she comes one of these days.  I would like to get to know here more over coffee rather than mind altering substances.

Last night I also watched a movie I’d heard about called Requiem for a Dream about drug addiction and the damage it does to lives and mental health.  It did not pull any punches, and many of the scenes were hard to watch (despite the otherwise pleasant to look at stars Jared Leto and Jennifer Connelly).  Even the mother character loses her mind taking diet pills.  Drugs are not a big part of my story, but lately, my “research” has involved an “I’ll try anything” attitude and, well, drugs are scary, not just because mixing them can kill you but they take you even farther from yourself and into an even deeper darkness.  Maybe call it “Yetsville.” You end up on an expressway in Yetsville, riddled with car wrecks. I’ve only had glimpses of this but I know I’d rather be riding my bike in Presenttown.  

Off to TO to see some friends.  Glad I wont have to be alone this long weekend!


About Tom Seeks Equanimity

Early 40s gay guy trying to make some changes in his life. Work in field of public transit as a project manager. Do some creative stuff too.
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