I haven’t posted on here in about 9 months but I was just reading an article in The Fix about how blogging helps some people stay sober. I since I have not been staying sober, I figured it can’t hurt.
So I slept all day and ate junk food. Guess what I was doing last night? Yes, drinking; I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I want to stop, or rather I want to want to stop but I just can’t muster the willingness, or fear, or whetever i am supposed to have. Maybe accountability will help.
Of course I doesn’t help that the drinking often seems fun at the time. I went to a local bar starting chatting with some people including a hot guy who I don’t think was gay but ended up coming to my apartment. I don’t remember him leaving, not surprisingly though I don’t think anything happened. It’s that chaos that I like; I don’t go crash cars when drunk, I just connect with people, or feel like I do. They may be sketchy people but it’s something that i feel I lack in my sober self. My sober self doesn’t even want to connect with people. It doesn’t seem to know what its own basic needs are.
But. The drink is getting out of hand. I missed a day of work this week, including an important meeting. That can’t keep happening. I need this job; I like it. Also my health isn’t great. I feel tired and bloated all the time. I need pills to sleep. I know sobriety does feel great, sometimes. Truthfully better than being drunk. Not always, but I’ve had glimpses of it. It’s like the ultimate sense of being connected, equanimity: it’s a real thing! So here I am at day 0. I will go to meetings, not out of obligation but just to meet sober people here in KW. Maybe I’ll make a friend. Maybe there are even some gay sober people here in town.
I plan to post daily even if it is just miscellaneous ramblings. So if anyone does read this, please let me know. Would like to meet some sober people in cyberspace!